HMMmmmm…. When I haven’t started to write, I wondered what to write or what to tell. My heart was not comfortable at all, something happened? No…. just b’cos of some words. You’ll definitely say that I was too sensitive. I am actually particular and sensitive. B’cos of that, it made the situation unhappy and ended with no words. I was……… I don’t know what to say…. Haiz….
What should I say ya? Hehe…. These few days I got to know a friend. It’s really nice to meet her…. We had a good time to be together eventhough sometimes our communication has bit problem. Why? B’cos my Malay is poor… But I’m happy that we can be close and I haven’t been to her race. This is the first time and good experience. She’s a sabahan. After few days and they supposed to return to hometown. They missed the flight and they said it’s the fault of airport management. Haizz…. what’s happening? She said she plans to work in KL. Hope evrything will be fine.
Yesterday my ex- called after a long time. He apologised…. and asked me to go out too. I just told him that I will consider. We just talked as usual but he told me that he wanted to talk to me …
I wonder who am I and how am I as a person. I became moody and easily get depressed. I wish I were not like that. I can be very jealous sometimes. I like the feeling of people care about us. I began tired of my loneliness and how good if somebody is there for me. At least I can have the one to share with me… I don’t need to do things alone and I don’t need to keep things in heart. These days, when night comes I got very sad and couldn’t sleep well. My ‘ kai mui ‘ told me that if I’m sad or lonely I can give them a call or ask them out. But I told her… at the end we still have to be alone… and when this happens, I started to miss my family and I would wish to let everthing down here and go back to start my life once again. I don’t know which one should I choose and what can I do. I have this thought, may b’cos I need someone to rely on and I don’t wan to be this tired by my own. I’m stupid and useless rite? When can I start doing things better and handle things well. I’m so empty and I am so aimless.. this is what someone told me. I can’t be like this anymore… But u know or not I can no longer be strong anymore. I drop my tears easily.. which is not I wan. What happened to me and why is this happen? I’m really weak and tired…… I will try to be strong. But I scare……..
Recently, I’ve changed to be different but I don’t know what are the problems. I became moody, emotional. Very mini minor things, I might get so sensitive and angry. I also sometimes wonder why. I feel to cry out. Who can I cry to? What’s my actual problems? Cry, can only make me feel better cos I don’t need to keep the pressure in me myself. I’m no longer strong as before and I want to be protected and wish I can rely on somebody at least for temporary. Ya, when we r doing things alone, it’s meaningless. I’m tired and bored of that…. I’m really tired………..
I don’t have mood to work in the office recently… I feel bored with my life and my unchanged routine everyday. I need something more challenging. I don’t want my life t be life this, wasted. I don’t know what can I do. I’m finding out…………
These days I become quiet…. I used to be quiet and even quieter. This came back to me again. When this happens, I definitely worried. I have to cheer up. My routine is the same everyday but now the only thing I’ve changed is that I keep myself occupied after work. I still can’t make a decision that if I should continue my study. I’m trying to improve myself hard. At the mean time, I still can’t forget and never ever forget. Missing alone and one side love are actually suffering. The other party won’t know. Maybe because of this, I keep myself occupied to take away those unnecessary things from my mind. Maybe it’s unnecessary and too much that it won’t happen to me.I always tell myself: If it’s mine, it’ll come to me one day. I believe I could get something better. There’s no point to force and grab something from others. How good if one day all the good things come to me. Haha…. that time I’ll become a queen or king. who knows what’ll happen the next minute, why not we make it happened?
Sometimes, I feel that I have a bit tired of my life. Why do we need to work so hard? what for? We need to relax and enjoy and mix around with the right people only they can help us in our way. Friends like the passer-by of our life. We’re treasuring and counting on them. Life can be expectedly good if we work on it and it’ll turn into the other way if u just let it be. I choose to be better and I hope people around me support me on my way. Eventhough how suffer that we have to go through, we are the best and the only champion of ourselves. If we don’t help and love ourselves, who is going to do so for us? GAMBATAH… and I’ll! I won’t give up!
I JUST CAME BACK TO WORK. I WENT FOR CAR SERVICE THIS MORNING AT 8:30AM. I WENT FOR 20,000KM SERVICE, IT’S QUITE A LARGE AMOUNT I SPENT. I’VE NEVER EXPECTED ANYWAY. I DON’T KNOW WHY I HAVE NO MOOD AT ALL. JUST NOW THEY DELAYED FOR DELIVERY OF CAR, I COULDN’T BELIEVE THAT I SCOLDED THE STAFF THERE. NOT TOO SERIOUS JUST SOUNDED SERIOUS ONLY. HE TOLD ME THAT MY WIPERS SPOILT AGAIN. I WAS ANGRY COS I JUST CHANGED IT AT THE LAST SERVICE.
ACTUALLY I WAS BOTHERED AND GOT WORRIED ABOUT MY FINANCIAL STATUS. I’M GETTING PANICKED AND SCARED. I KNOW I HAVE TO JUST LOOK FORWARD. I’M WORRIED THAT ONE DAY I WILL JUST COLLAPSED. SOMETIMES I LOST THE DIRECTION AND DON’T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE MY LIFE. I DON’T KNOW HOW TO SAY THE FEELING. I FEEL THAT I CAN’T BREATHE AND BIT SUFFERING. WHAT CAN I DO AT THE MOMENT?
Father’s day is coming, I actually almost forget about it until I read Elize’s blog. I believe that she had a very good father who brought her lots of memories in her childhood. Unfortunately, if something’s mained to be we can’t change the fact.
Mentioned about ‘ father’, this vocabulary seems to be far away from me. It has been long time since I called ‘ Daddy’. Why? Everything changed after my brother left. The whole family changed and our relationship with daddy changed too. We used to go for a trip during holiday together. We laughed, talked, discussed and slept together eventhough my family is small. I remembered when my brother, sisters and I asked to buy a computer for the house, we are asked to sit down in the living room and had a family meeting. My mum asked us to give solid reasons to have a computer. It was very wierd right? At that time, they had old fashioned thought and we were not rich too. Just because of a computer, we spent hours and took up refusion. That time my daddy was at our side and he tried so hard to help us to get my mum’s agreement. At last we got the first computer. Couple of years ago, I ran out from the house but got caught by daddy. He was so angry that he was about to slap me on the face. I threw my phone on the floor and shouted at him. I didn’t know if I was angry or hate in my mind. He didn’t do that but everything became worse to worst until today. Since then, I always appreciate and like it when I see people with their daddy and mummy. I still miss the days that we spent together and overcame problems. How wonderful if time reversed.
Remembered what we’ve done, we celebrated father’s day once only and the only one. If I’m provided another chance, I will do it again.
Anyhow, wish all the fathers ‘ Happy Father’s Day’
These few days, I always wonder why. Why can’t we show our care when we want to know how the person is? Why can’t we show when we really miss the person? Why we can’t do whatever we think is right and go ahead with it? Why can’t we just follow our feeling to do something but have to control it? Why can’t we cry when we want to but have to control it? Why can’t we show when we feel sad? Sometimes maybe we have to show our pro or we don’t want people around to worry of us. Why always we have to show the other side of ours to the people around u? Why and I wonder why….. I hope people around me are fine.
Good Morning everyone! Early in the morning, mood got spoilt and it’s not a good sign for me. I don’t know whether i’m angry or something elso. I’m asure that i’m not happy because of that happened. Haizz… tell u a story! One customer’s assistant came in and I talked to her, she asked me if the student can change the class. When I started explaining and trying to solve the problem, I was blamed that I didn’t know what happened. I’ve never finished my conversation but bitten up by words. I just said, when we first asked the student about the class, he said he was happy and would like to continue with the class so we let him be. But the assistant of his said that I mentioned the class can’t be changed. And keep saying that ‘ how come like this?’ ‘ Last time when we registered my superior said can….. so on and so forth’ I was thinking did I say something wrong or my explanation has problem. Whose fault is that? I don’t think it’s anybody’s fault but maybe my patience must be trained up. Different type of people must be handled in different way and I’m learning it. Wish everything will be smooth.
