@ Me & My LiFeStyLe @

These few days, I always wonder why. Why can’t we show our care when we want to know how the person is? Why can’t we show when we really miss the person? Why we can’t do whatever we think is right and go ahead with it? Why can’t we just follow our feeling to do something but have to control it? Why can’t we cry when we want to but have to control it? Why can’t we show when we feel sad? Sometimes maybe we have to show our pro or we don’t want people around to worry of us. Why always we have to show the other side of ours to the people around u? Why and I wonder why….. I hope people around me are fine.

Good Morning everyone! Early in the morning, mood got spoilt and it’s not a good sign for me. I don’t know whether i’m angry or something elso. I’m asure that i’m not happy because of that happened. Haizz… tell u a story! One customer’s assistant came in and I talked to her, she asked me if the student can change the class. When I started explaining and trying to solve the problem, I was blamed that I didn’t know what happened. I’ve never finished my conversation but bitten up by words. I just said, when we first asked the student about the class, he said he was happy and would like to continue with the class so we let him be. But the assistant of his said that I mentioned the class can’t be changed. And keep saying that ‘ how come like this?’ ‘ Last time when we registered my superior said can….. so on and so forth’ I was thinking did I say something wrong or my explanation has problem. Whose fault is that? I don’t think it’s anybody’s fault but maybe my patience must be trained up. Different type of people must be handled in different way and I’m learning it. Wish everything will be smooth.

Today…… the coolness and quietness. I don’t know what makes the situation to be this way. I am hurt and I kept asking if I’m too sensitive. I am and I admit it. I don’t want to be this way and I always believe that we can still contact eventhough how busy we are. Never say no time and to know how a person is just need few minutes and not 24 hours. At least people will feel that u r there for them and they know u care. ‘No time’ is always an excuse if u don want to do so or let it happen. I don’t know if I’m right in the way, I know that sometimes when u want someone to be there but nobody does. Is it mained to be this way or ……….. I always wonder and I haven’t got any answer yet. I don’t dare to disturb cos I don’t know when is his free time that I won’t be ignored. I guessed something and I don’t hope that I think too much for that. If something can be changed to better it’ll be great. Maybe it’s only ‘Impossible’ in between to get something happened, at least I tried without knowing the results. I hate myself sometimes that I’m too sensitive towards some issues and people’s attitude. I don’t want to be that way but it’s also difficult to be changed. Tell me what can I do god!! I can’t be don’t bother and be quiet like that. It makes me worse to worst. It’s very very bad feeling that I can’t forgive myself. Sometimes, when u want to show concern u scare that u’ll disturb the person…………….. how?? What should I do? Why we have to keep our feeling to ourselves?

Time passes but the kind of missing sb will never less. What’s bringing this up? I don’t used to it… It seems like very long time I didn’t meet up with… and talk to but I understand. This’ not anybody’s fault or who’s supposed to do it. There’s nothing happen between just sometimes I will think that how good if I receive at least a msg. Boy is actually busy and prepare so hard to work for future. It’s not the right time to be told about that, I’m ‘ba gua’ still I’ll always wonder though. haha….. End to the conclusion that I’d like to say I’m always waiting and I do miss u…. no matter how! Hope eerything is smooth with u and all the best! Gambateh and I’ll be here to fully support u.

Surprised that yesterday I received another cake for my birthday eventhough it’s already past. I’ve never thought of this… It’s the cake from Australian Cake House and it’s very nice. Amanda, Micheal, Mok and Melinda celebrated for me. I was thankful to them because this is the 3rd cake that I’ve received.

In the afternoon I went for class and I felt that I couldn’t control young children very well. I need patience and really do I. I raised my voice in the class when they were naughty and my worry was there at the same time. I didn’t know what happen. Suddenly I was worried about my teaching way. Anyway, I told myself I will still do my best and I have confidence I can take up the job. After class, the principal asked me and another teacher to stay back for small meeting. He tolld that the previous teacher Ms Yu worried about the class and the students. He said those students came because of Ms Yu. However, eventhough I am pressure but I will think of a way to do something about it.

Yesterday was my birthday and I was happy that handsome and groups celebrated for me at Ths Ship at Bukit Bintang at 12 midnight. Yesterday when I went back to work, teacher and students bought me a very very big Pactrick Dog with a card. I was so shocked and surprised of that. Thanks a lot for all of them. Chieh Min came with a cake in the afternoon and a snoopy dog as present ( Chieh Min and Pei Yin ) This birthday I received two cakes and the most cake that I’ve ever received. In the evening, Ms Tin, my manager ordered some food from downstairs and we had a gathering dinner together. I really appreciated that they did all these for me. Cindy from Mongolia also sent me a msg and some frens called to wish me. I wish they were here with me and at my side. Overall, I was happy with all this. Thanks a lot and wish all of them blessings ahead the years.

Have a Great morning! After I knew the fact, I realised that I did too mind or worried of something. I didn’t know what happen to me but I know that I shouldn’t tighten myself in that way. I became more relax in these two days but definitely I still care and want to know what’s going on and how’s everything going on. I just hope everything is going on smooth and I can encourage and motivate from the side. It seems………… I don’t know. Am I show it too obviously or just nice. Haha….. two days ago was mother’s day and I did missed her and I felt bad that I was not around at her side. Luckily, my sister was around. I hope the following yearI can do it. Something very funny is that, I went around to wish all the mothers of my friends ‘ Happy Mother’s Day!’

After reading jojo’s blog about ‘ Actually ….’ I got her feeling but I’m confused of how I feel now. Yesterday I was so… so… so…  uncomfortable in my heart. I didn’t feel good at all the whole day and at night was the worst that I wanted to cry badly but all under controlled. I didn’t know how’s the feeling come back to me. I won’t deny that I miss someone and I really do. My phone was so quiet till I’ve never expected. I didn’t get to see the person and I didn’t dare to disturb but I always wonder how is he. I keep asking myself not to do tat and so on but it became worse. At last I sent out a msg with care and at the same time I told ‘ I feel worst if I keep quiet like this’. The party seemed misunderstood what I meant and something was really not right in between. I didn’t know what had happened exactly and I suspected that he didn’t tell the truth. Somemore the way the party talked was very different. I wondered if I’m too sensitive and what should I do the next. I couldn’t sleep well and keep wondering what actually happened. I didn’t give up….. Bottom of my heart, I wish that everything is smooth and people never keep secret and far away from me. Why things can change in just few hours or minutes. we can’t be too stubborn in situations sometimes.  Few days ago, Ice gal ( my good friend ) told me that she always follows her feeling when she does something. Then I didn’t forget that I told her :’ It’s good to follow feeling and I practise that also but sometimes we maybe wrong if we keep on following our feeling; not all the time but sometimes! ‘ I didn’t know why I said that…. Maybe because of my feeling also… Haha…. Do I make u all confused? I still not too well in heart but hope everything will be fine. I don’t want to lost anything. Gambateh….